The Harder Times

it seems lately that these are the harder times in my life.. hence the title.

Once again, I've been told that I'm a disappointment to the one person in my life that I've done nothing less than try to be perfect for. He said that I was a "typical college student" whatever that means.. and that he thought he'd raised a child that he could be proud of. He says that he was wrong and is deeply disappointed in is error. He told me that he expected more and expected that I'd be a better person than I've supposedly turned out to be. So, I've been threatned and scorned. What fun, right? I'm apparently a disrespectful, ungrateful and sinful person. So much so that he can't even speak to his holy wife about me because of the shame he feels in his mistakes as a parent.

Honestly, my entire life I've wanted to be nothing less than a prize daughter. I know that sounds completely rediculous.. but I've always wanted my parents to look back one day and be like "wow, we did a wonderful job raising our kids." I've tried very hard in my life to never ever let him down. I thought I'd done a pretty good job of that. I know that sounds quite boastful, but that's not the aspect I'm going for in any way. I guess you start trying to talk yourself up when others tear you down. It's a terribly childish way of doing things, I realize. But what can you do? So you let that person down.. now what?

that's where I'm stuck. I'm trying to look past it, I know he's completely unreasonable at times.

I don't suppose this was for anyone but me. But, all in all, it makes me feel a little better.


ALSO I gave up facebook and myspace for lent. At the time I didn't know if that sacrifice was big or small, turns out it's quite a sacrifice when your boyfriend loves xbox.