Just writing this to be able to look back on later in life

I just want documentation of me saying that I can't wait until it's my turn to have children. Don't get crazy or anything, I'm not trying to ruin everything I've started by having a child any time soon. I just want to note that I feel like it's part of my story (thanks matt for recommending A Million Miles in a Thousand Years to Kevin and Me.) to have kids. I feel like that is why I was created. I also couldn't be more excited about the person I've been blessed to make this story happen with. Perfection.

That's all. I just can't wait. I don't want life to hurry by me, but I also wish it was the right time right now.

Can't Judge a Book by its Coverrrrr

I had good intentions of getting on here and writing a meaningful blog but I lost all inspiration.



all I have to say at this moment is that I want some girl friends that are close by. Boys are nice and all I suppose.. but I'm tired of all the passing of gas and xbox playing. I just want a girl friend.

The Harder Times

it seems lately that these are the harder times in my life.. hence the title.

Once again, I've been told that I'm a disappointment to the one person in my life that I've done nothing less than try to be perfect for. He said that I was a "typical college student" whatever that means.. and that he thought he'd raised a child that he could be proud of. He says that he was wrong and is deeply disappointed in is error. He told me that he expected more and expected that I'd be a better person than I've supposedly turned out to be. So, I've been threatned and scorned. What fun, right? I'm apparently a disrespectful, ungrateful and sinful person. So much so that he can't even speak to his holy wife about me because of the shame he feels in his mistakes as a parent.

Honestly, my entire life I've wanted to be nothing less than a prize daughter. I know that sounds completely rediculous.. but I've always wanted my parents to look back one day and be like "wow, we did a wonderful job raising our kids." I've tried very hard in my life to never ever let him down. I thought I'd done a pretty good job of that. I know that sounds quite boastful, but that's not the aspect I'm going for in any way. I guess you start trying to talk yourself up when others tear you down. It's a terribly childish way of doing things, I realize. But what can you do? So you let that person down.. now what?

that's where I'm stuck. I'm trying to look past it, I know he's completely unreasonable at times.

I don't suppose this was for anyone but me. But, all in all, it makes me feel a little better.


ALSO I gave up facebook and myspace for lent. At the time I didn't know if that sacrifice was big or small, turns out it's quite a sacrifice when your boyfriend loves xbox.

just to ramble

I noticed myself doing something earlier this week. I think we all probably struggle with it from time to time.

I was thinking about the people in the cold.. and how I wanted to do something for them. And I immediately shut myself down because I knew I couldn't house these people, and I knew it wasn't very safe for me to try to pick up a walking stranger. I guess my point is that we should try to find ways around the things we CAN'T do with the things we CAN do. I realized that it would be SO easy to just have a cup of coffee or hot chocolate in my car and hand it to someone that is obviously cold. I know that's not a whole lot, but it's something. I would absolutely appreciate it if the shoe was on the other foot. This was pretty random, I am aware.

Lately, I've been pretty sad. Not in all aspects of life, because I'm totally and completely happy in my relationship with Kevin. But there are definately some holes. I miss my friends. I miss my family. I don't want to be an adult. I think the latter of it all really sums it all up. Growing up is the worst thing that's ever happened to me. I'm sure as time passes it will get better because it will become more comfortable. I guess I also am struggling with the fact that my "Growing up" seems to be so much harder than most kids my age's growing up processes have been. I know it's pretty selfish of me to "feel bad for myself" because in all reality I have a pretty great life. I'm just tired of stressing about paying for school. I could technically take the easy way and just take out some loans and be in debt forever. I'm sure I'll appreciate myself later in life when I'm not up to my ears in student loans. But right now it really sucks. I'm always working and I'm always doing school work. College is supposed to be fun.

enough of the pity party I suppose.

Atleast Bama is number 1!

Whoever happens to read this, just pray that I can accept my situation and find some peace in it.

Thanks guys, I miss you all so much.

well

I think I have come to realize something. I have a terrible habit of talking about people.. Not necessarily badly, but just talking about others.

why is everyone else's life so much more interesting than mine?!


anyways, how's everyone that might happen to read this doing? I miss you all.

This is..

Proof of God

man boobs